YOU LOSE

09/06/2020





Suffocation is setting in, my lungs are collapsing and all I can see is darkness. I can't breathe, shit, where am I? Who am I? What am I doing here. I grope around, trying to find something. My hand hits a hard object on my left. I drag my knuckle along it. I can feel tiny pieces of blistering wood digging deep like daggers.


I pull my left hand back towards my body. I lay it to my side while I continue to explore with the other hand. I stretch as far as it will go, but nothing. I place it down and land on something soft. It feels slimy and cold; I squeeze it. It's soft but rubbery like a chew toy. I take my hand back towards my body once again.


I can't breathe. I'm drowning. I can feel the oxygen leaving my body to never return. I can feel heat rise through the entire complexity of my organs. The darkness gains multicoloured spots. They hurt. My eyes are dried up. I keep touching the squidgy thing next to me. My left hand swipes across the hard surface once more,suddenly I feel warmth covering my hand. It is covered in blood.


I pull my hands back and touch my chest. I am not naked; I have a shirt on, it is hot and moist, covered in horrible beads of sweat. I stroke the length of my body and put my hands towards my pockets. I feel around and Inside I can feel something hard. It's solid, thin and rectangular.


I poke around until I gain entry. It is my phone. I still can't breathe. My lungs are swelling up into prunes, my chest is collapsing in on itself causing agonising pain to rush back and forth through me. I feel like someone is hitting me hard and fast. Beating at my chest.


I struggle with my phone and try to turn it on. Holding the button, nothing happens. I think it's dead until my hand rolls further down the smooth metal. The screen comes to life as I hold down the button, finally a flicker of light appears as the Samsung logo dances on the screen.


I turn my head, barely moving, my neck feels stiffer than wood, my head is playing drums through my entire body making the nerves dance around


Shit, Shit, It's a lung or a liver or fuck knows what. The chew toy is an organ, one covered in blood and slime. There's more than one. All varying in size and colour they all are organs, all covered in blood and that mucus type stuff.


I can feel the bile and puke creeping up into my body, my heart is sinking, the need for air suppresses the need to puke. I hold it back. I look around more and more. It's just organs and wood until I reach upon something white poking out from under a small intestine. I pick it up.


It's a scrap of paper, the size of a sticky note, covered in slime. It feels warm. I pick it up and bring it closer to me. It reads three words all in capital letters:


YOU LOSE ARSEHOLE


Im going crazy, this isnt real, what the fuck is happening. I must be dreaming. I turn to my phone for help. In the corner I can see three bars. I don't know who to call. I must be dreaming, surely this can't be real.


I begin to dial. When I press call. nothing., Just a straight dead end line. I will try another. Nothing. I look back towards the corner, there is no signal.


I lay my head back down, waiting for the rest of the air to leave my body. Waiting to die, that is when I felt a crack of air run through my windpipe. It pounds down quickly. A speckle of light enters the darkness. Just a slither, enough for my eyes to sting..


Then more light floods like a tidal wave. Adrenaline runs through my body. My heart takes back a rhythm.


I black out. The next thing I can feel is someone's lips pressed against mine, someone was trying to push air through my body. Mouth to mouth. I could feel it's cold crispness going through my chest. With this cold air I begin to feel an entire body's worth of pain coursing through me. Everything is tingling, everything is beginning to go numb.


That's when they stop blowing air through my windpipe. I can hear them talking, but I can't see them. All I can see is white light. I can't move. My entire body is paralysed. But when I am awake I can hear them. I can feel them.

They are saying "We need to catch him, before it's too late."


"We just lost another one, the third in the past three days, there is no hope. He is going to keep killing and there is nothing we can do"


The voices grow quieter their presence has left. I am alone now, there aren't any voices. I can still feel air going through my body. That's until a new set of voices appear. I am being moved. They are saying they are bringing me to the St Bernard's morgue.


I'm alive. I want to cry, but it's too late. We are on the move.


I black out again.


I wake feeling cold. Real, real cold, throughout every layer of skin I can feel a chilliness down to my very core. No heat, just ice.

I black out once more.


The white light goes dark. I can't move now. darkness has taken over again. My breathing is slowing down. This time there is no air to come.


This time i'm taking my final breath. This time I can't move. I can't feel anything. I try so hard to move. But nothing moves. I try to scream but nothing. This time I can't breathe at all, not a slither of breath.


I take one more deep breath and black out for the final time.